(WARNING, REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS)
Wanted:
Wanted is a lame ass wanna be action film about exploding rats. Instead of you having to waste precious seconds of your life as I did watching the movie, I will sum it up for you in three words... It was terrible...
Sure, it was a fucking awesome total guy movie, but lets face it, the awesome parts were few and far between, as if the writers came up with some badass ideas, but they didn't have enough to fill up the whole movie, so the filled the rest with endless minutes of the main character Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) bitching about how much his life sucked.
Here are some of the awesome parts...
-A bullet ripping slow motion straight threw a mans head
-Angelina Jolie's bare ass :D
-A train coming off the tracks and dangling down the side of a cliff
-Wesley Gibson (AKA the most annoying main character in the world) getting the fuck beat out of him
-Several shoppable instances (STFU, GTFO, and even one NO U)
-Exploding rats (awesome, but seriously WTF?!)
-A character shooting another character in the back of the head, then using the hole and a brace for his gun, and the dead body as a shield...
-Morgan Freeman saying "Shoot this mothafucka'!" XD
-Blocking bullets with knives :?
The rest of it was complete crap. It starts off pretty much the same way that the Matrix did (once again proving the writers "originality". Also James McAvoy seems to be doing his best Keanu Reeves impression, but failing, because he ends up looking like an even worse actor than Keanu, which is a low blow. Anyways, Wesley is a complete pussy and a failure at everything, even the ATM tells him so. His awesome best friend is fucking his totally hawt girlfriend, and Wesley doesn't really give a flying fuck. His boss is an annoying bitch who has a stapler fetish, who wins at trolling him until he eventually shouts (SHUT THE FUCK UP) and bashes her ass with good old fashioned words, right before smashing his best friend in the face with a keyboard. Somewhere in all of that shit, Angelina Jolie comes and shoots the fuck out of a market, while he complains. Yes, that's right, he is in a fast car with Angelina Jolie with her ASS in his face, shooting a guy on the freeway, and HE'S COMPLAINING. So we already hate this mother fucker. Things continue for a while, he joins this dead body fan club and kills some people, and then the writers ran out of ideas. So what did that add in? A TWIST (what a twist!). The twist was pretty lame, but they cover their hacky writing with explosions and hot girl(s), so it's okay.
Then Morgan Freeman comes out and makes everything better by showing us that he is still just as fucking badass and Samuel L. "Snakes on a motherfucking plane" Jackson. Win.
But then it gets lame again, because Bitchy McBitchpants is suddenly bad ass and hardened now, and proves it by blowing up rats (SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?!).
The movie ends with Wesley breaking the fourth wall (talking to the audience), which everyone knows ONLY Mel Brooks can do.
Here, I just saves two hours of your life. Go out and play in the sunlight...
